Some of you get very angry or may feel that things seems one-sided from your perspective of what men really want.
In other words, many women have had horrible experiences with men and most of my emails make the impression that they are not the problem.
Maybe not! Yes you are a good person, Yes you do love and respect God, Yes you are smart and independent, Yes you are a great catch, Yes you have lots of love to give, Yes you have tried your very best...
But still finding that right man and relationship has been out of reach for you.
"What gives Phil?" you've asked.
Here is the truth! The things I write about or share with women may seem unfair and even very difficult to swallow.
I hear it all the time, "Why do we have to change?" or "Sorry buddy, I'm not doing that, you must be crazy and I am not settling.
" Next I received the following messages: Phil, Why don't you tell men to stop being cheap...
Tell men to at least call if they are going to be late...
Tell men to stop taking calls or texts when we are on a date...
Tell men that they should running behind these hoochie mamas, a get a real woman...
Tell men to grow up and learn some respect including manners...
Tell men that I'm not taking care of no one but myself, I'm a strong independent...
Tell men to look for problems around my house and fix them for me or help out more...
Tell men to stop lying when the truth will do...
Tell men to stop touching me without my permission...
Phil, you need to educate the brothas to do this or that...
Whew, and OMG! My beautiful queens, listen up: please know that I can't tell men or brothas to do anything.
Even after all the relationship books or blogs you've read and radio shows you listen too, after all of knowledge you think you have about relationships; please understand that men are going to still be the same as they were on yesterday.
You can get all the pep talk you want from other women, TV and radio shows, but nothing will change this fact.
So what gives? What can you do? My precious and wonderful queens, if you want to find the love of your life you will have to make a slight adjustments in your thinking to make it more accurate about men and change your approach.
It's not what you want to hear, but it's true.
You must change preconceived visual images of a relationship, be willing to try another approach and trust and follow-through on some solid advice that IS hard to hear.
Why, because WHAT you are currently doing is NOT working for you.
This is harsh but it is the truth! If it was working for you with all of your understandings and feelings, why do you not have a successful relationship? Why are you still single? I know, I know...
I am going to get all of the reasons about what men do and who's out there.
Again, I know it's unfair and the things I've shared with you are difficult to swallow.
But the women who are having the most success in their relationships understand one secret: it is not about being right or wrong, but knowing what it effective or ineffective.
Stop letting things drive you crazy.
Focus on what you are able to control and that's your reactions and mindset.
You will have to forgive some of the men for their ignorance and not being smart enough to know how to date you appropriately.
You will teach and help him out.
You will not get turn off because he doesn't have the right skills set.
You must have tolerance.
Here is the best advice I will give you right now.
A man's dating skills does not translate into what type of husband he will be for you.
Great guys make horrible dating decisions every day, but you are becoming turned off and missing out on maybe the love of you life.
Are you willing to accept this and give it another try? Second Point: If you take what you are looking for into consideration: What does the male pool looks like for you? How many men out there that will fit your criteria? Case in point: If you are single mother in your twenties or early 30s, know that most single men who do not have kids will prefer not to marry and woman with kids already.
This is a fact.
This may not be what you want to hear but what you need.
Start looking for single fathers or slightly older men to settle down with.
This is what I mean about the male pool.
Most of you must change your male pool criteria to increase your chances of finding the love of your life.
Make sure you look for qualities and traits that will last for 30 year or more and not so much right now.
Most of the stuff on your list is only superficial traits and will change with time.
If you are a very successful take charge type of woman, many of the professional guys you are seeking do not want to come home to very opinionated woman.
They are looking for a more soft landing at home.
They seek the opposite of themselves while these types of women seek a better version of themselves.
You will have to adjust to a male who fits your personality best or be that soft feminine soul he seeks while landing home.
Stop fooling yourself too ladies.
A 38 year old woman with kids already will hardly make it work with a 28 year old man who wants a family.
You will not be his first or second chose on the list.
It doesn't matter how good it is right now.
I said hardly because if you have money he may give it a try Last Point: Very good looking men have many options.
If this type is not approaching you now, stop fooling yourself to think that they will start.
Just because you approach those type and they sleep with you doesn't mean anything or a future.
He must show an effort in the relationship, not just showing up for a booty call.
Take a look at the guys who do want you and see if there is a quality one in that bunch that you have simply overlooked.
That's not settling, but being smart.