A quick thought on life and love!!
Have you ever thought of life and love together!! Well here is my point of view on that.
First of all, there are few things which you need to take time to ask yourself and think on it!!
Question 1: according to you what is true love?
Question 2: when can you call a love relation successful?
Question 3: how can you be sure that she is the best for you?
These are some simple but key questions which we forget to think about in our day today life, thinking that we already know the answer to it, when we blindly follow our heart!!
Trust me!!! When you start thinking about it the right way, you will find out that it is not that simple after all.
Unconditional love, no complaints, no demands, and love at first sight etc... All sounds so romantic and cute, but the fact is, you are just rolling the dice with your life. Majority of those couple who are leading a family life together are just adjusting their individual ethics. just so, they can touch the finish line.
What will be your observation, when you see a couple who is in their 60's and still deeply in love with each other and enjoying every minute they have together?
I am quite sure everyone will say, they are lucky, they are the role model couple, "hey!! Check it out!! Now that is true love" etc.. Hmmm!! We'll yea!! That is correct. But have you ever thought "why"?
Caution: to clearly understand what I am about to say, in its right magnitude, one should be well thought out, about his ethics towards life.
it's not because they were lucky, but because they knew exactly what they loved in each other before they decided to be together.
Few weeks back when I went to my home town for an educational purpose, I came across the above mentioned, rare to find couple, and I so said to myself that I'll spare few minutes and try to know their story. So I sat down with them over a cup of tea, she started explaining everything from the beginning as if all that happened yesterday. And soon the tea was followed by lunch and dinner!! WOW!! Now that totally deserved a "WOW". I finally got a material to cross reference my, self developed ethics towards love and life, and then I realized that I found a living example in support of my theory.
The story goes like this: there was a girl who finished her school education with great marks, she very well knew her next step in her career and had just one college she so!! Wanted to learn at, she was so sure that she would get admitted there, as she believed that if she won't get admission there, then no one will. In short she very well knew what she is up to, and had a great understanding and love for the course she opted. So she applied just to this college soon as she got the high school results, and thus had a time of four months between her and the course start date. Like most of us now days, she didn't waste time in thinking that what if the college doesn't grant me the admission, so I will apply to other colleges just to be on the safe side!! Instead she thought of taking time to think about her life, love and started making pace notes and assigning milestones she needs to achieve in the next seven years of her life professionally, socially and artistically. Having figured that out, it was a whole new world of hopes and optimism from the very next beautiful sunrise. She figured that she believed more in reasoning, than in blind unconditional love, taught to her by her previous experience in high school and thought she should give it a shot. Soon the acceptance from the college came, and the classes started, and she met this guy, who is five years elder to her, but studying for bachelors in a different course but at the same college. They used to frequently meet at the college library and soon got engaged in regular discussions on social and professional subjects. Even though they had different views about them, they both were impressed in the depth of each other's thinking and how solid their ethics were towards life and profession. This went on for few years and eventually they had to accept the fact that they were dead impressed with each other and would be happy if together. So they finally got married and now even at their 60's they are still young in love.
Now comes the answer for Question no: 2
From the moral of the above story, the couple was impressed with each other's outlook towards life.
The dedication they had towards their profession.
The quality of thought they shared.
They respected each other's individuality.
She was impressed with the kind of milestone the guy set up in his life giving preferences to social life, profession and art.
He was impressed with the depth in which the girl was taught to think in matters involving both life and profession, and the list goes on and on.
So what can we observe from this?, is the fact that this relationship was not unconditional but totally based on reasoning.
All those above mentioned reasons are rational thoughts which totally belong to an individual will not degrade or die with time but only improves and develops in time.
Meaning they will grow in love with time, as they are not in love just with their pretty youth which will disintegrate but in personality and attitude which keeps improving and developing with time.
I am not trying to say that unconditional love is not successful or that love at first sight will never work, but how it works is because either they are lucky to observe all those rational qualities in their love at first sight, or as poets say, they should be made for each other by God himself and that, they were lucky to meet each other in the right time at the right place, but the fact is that, only very few countable couples are so lucky to meet each other and to be together. And the truth is, majority of them who blindly and whole heartedly followed those poets who forgot to mention the fact along with their beautiful poetic expressions, are right now just bearing with life to somehow managing to touch the finish line, fearing that they might hurt their loved ones (eg: kids, family etc..) if they try to make a difference.
As this research of mine was in progress, I came across few friends of mine, who were in love, and I asked them one simple question, can you name at least six rational qualities which you found in your girl which made you conclude that she is the best suited to share your life with?
Trust me!! They were stunned by realizing the fact that, they simply didn't have any. All they could think of, was the emotional reasons, for example: one of my friends said!! "Dude, she was there for me when I got dumped by my ex- girl friend, and she was guiding me through my distress life, because she wanted me, and now I realize that and I feel for her too. So we are in love and we plan to get married soon".
Ok!! Now you may ask "fine!! So what's wrong with it?" there is nothing wrong with emotional reasoning, but the truth, is in this case they were in a long distance relationship, as the girl was in china related to her education, and according to basic human psychology, the affection they are showing to each other rite now will not be there when they are settled together in future, as they will be seeing each other day in and day out, so there will no longer be a need to show that much affection as they did during their long distance relationship, simply because they will not be missing each other the way they used to, then.
Again it's a psychological truth that human mind would then doubt whether he\she is not loving him\her as deeply as they used to, back when it all started!!. And you know the rest. No matter what ever they try, all they can do is just make it work somehow and drag their life for the sake of their family, but mentally they wouldn't simply feel that intensity of love they once had.
Therefore all what I got to say to whomever reading this is, emotional feelings are tremendously fluctuating and can easily be created between any couple, therefore try to keep a set of rational qualities while committing to a relationship and soon the emotional feelings will surprisingly follow you. This will not only help you to succeed in your relationship but will also help your love to grow with time.
So make the right choices, enjoy this "only one but beautiful life."